Happy Saint Patrick's Day. I was really worried tonight, however my worry did not begin with a sub-par blood draw yesterday or a general feeling of fatigue that comes with low counts. When I arrived at the hospital at 6 pm to receive another two units blood, I thought to myself, "Day one of the NCAA tournament is probably not a bad time to be stuck in a hospital room with nothing to do but watch basketball." Once settled, I simply asked the nurse to bring the portable TV arm close enough so I could get started with tournament action. The worry set in when the damn thing would not turn on.

Nothing to do but watch tournament basketball and I DON'T HAVE A FREAKING TV. Considering my options, I was about ready to inquire with the nursing staff about a simple fix or another room when it dawned on me...live games online, and I remembered my laptop. God is good.

As I write I'm watching Gonzaga and St. John's duke it out and Gonzaga has an early 32-21 lead. Gonzaga is what I like to call a "homer" pick in my bracket. I end up picking a bunch of teams based on a clear west coast bias, regardless of seed or match-up. It usually buries my bracket early but I can sleep at night. One of these years all my Pac-10 (or should I say Pac-12) teams (and other west-coasties) will work their way to the Sweet 16 or the Elite 8 and the tournament will belong to me. Until then, I'll keep lighting $5 on fire every year and enjoy watching every other team advance.

So here I am in the hospital again on a Thursday night getting transfused with Red Blood Cells. The counts have been worse but we saw a trend this week as I got checked, and after taking platelets on Monday night I knew that I would need blood again to get me through the next couple weeks. Here were the counts yesterday, March 16:

Hemoglobin: 5.9

Hematocrit: 17.1

Platelets: 28,000

The platelets are obviously higher because of Monday's transfusion but the writing was on the wall for the red cells. Not wanting to give up any weekend time, I decided to come in as soon as possible and take care of business after school. It will be a late night tonight, but it will be done and I can function on Friday and enjoy my weekend.

It is so frustrating to be so dependent on something so essential to health and life. Think about it, I am literally plugged into a fueling station that is letting my motor continue to run. Whatever function we humans are designed with to sustain our own fuel with only the simplest of building blocks is non-existent in my body right now and that kind of scares the hell out me. I can't help but think about how long this is going to last, having to get hooked up on a weekday evening just so I can turn around and head back to the day job and contribute to society.

The question came up between Kelly and I if I should still be working, considering the mental and physical demands and how they may or may not be affecting my health. Neither one of us could even decide for ourselves what the impact is and therefore we could not come to a conclusion. So indecision defaults to the norm and the alarm is set for 5:30 tomorrow morning so I can prepare my classroom for another day of 12 and 13 year old learners.

In the last blog, I described our efforts to travel back to the east coast to meet with a new doctor that could partner with us in treatment options. I am extremely happy to announce that thanks to a relentless pursuit of results by my wonderful wife, we are scheduled for an April 5 appointment with a doctor at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD. We are realistic that we may leave with as many questions as answers but this medical center and this doctor have treated as many if not more patients with my conditions than any other. The experience alone gives us confidence that we are moving towards the best treatment options and the best hope for my future.

As much as I am relying on God's strength right now for everything, my heart is heavy for friends and family that are living through trials of their own. My prayers for others include defibrillator surgeries, job loss, and recovery from surprise heart attacks. I spend as much time thinking about and praying for the closest family and friends, knowing full well that the stress and weight of worry can be as debilitating as the affliction itself. Being strong for those you love needs just as much divine intervention as fighting the battle itself.

Gonzaga is up by 14. Looks like I might get a "homer" pick after all. Maybe the Dawgs will show up tomorrow and really make me glad I picked from the heart.

Brian