Moving Forward

One thing about heavy doses of medication is that it messes with sleeping and waking. Up earlier than usual today, I find myself grateful for the time I have to drink buckets of coffee, do a little Ebay shopping, and sit down to write another entry.

During my scheduled infusion on Tuesday, my doctor answered a point blank question about whether or not I should return to work. He actually told me that my counts are stable enough and showing enough improvement that he okayed me to return to work next week. He even went as far as saying that a full return is okay to preserve any remaining sick time I still have stored. The major concern was risk of infection which has always been a risk for me. Kelly and I were more concerned about risks related to stress of work and how that might affect progress. The doctor reassured us that the medications will do their work in spite of the day job.

Neither Kelly nor I are naive about how work and stress can affect the physical body. Much of our "return to work" conversation was peppered with questions like, "What time are you planning on getting to bed?," and, "What time are you going to get up in the morning?," followed by, "Do you have anywhere you can rest at school during the day?"

Although my schedule will adjust, returning to work will be refreshing and live giving. I love teaching, working face to face with students, coaching, and collaborating with other staff in my school. The beginning of the second semester provides such a clean new beginning for myself and my students, so much so that I am enjoying those early September butterflies all over again as I prepare.

The Numbers Game

The one question that most people have when I speak to them face to face is, "How do you feel?" I love answering that question because I can give the most positive and honest answer. I feel great, in spite of the numbers (the numbers are still keeping me humble, and serve as a reminder to not push too hard too fast.)

Here they are as of Tuesday Jan. 25:

Hemoglobin: 6.4

Hematocrit: 18.8

Platelets: 12,000

Although the red cells are not showing progress, the platelets have shown stability and even the slightest growth. Keep in mind the difference between 6 and 12 is NOTHING when compared to the low end of normal which is 150. Platelets however are a good indicator of early growth.

As I write I am listening to one of my top 5 favorite songs of all time. The song "Hold me Jesus" by Rich Mullins has resounded as an anthem in my life for more that one ailment or trial. Here are some of the lines:

"Sometimes my life just don't make sense at all,

when the mountains look so big and my faith just seems so small.

So hold me Jesus 'cause I'm shaken like a leaf,

You have been King of my glory, won't you be my Prince of Peace."

and...

"Surrender don't come natural to me.

I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want,

than take what you give that I need."

Thank you all for your prayers, your thoughts, the meals, the gifts, the calls, the visits, the emails, the comments, and every other countless way you have blessed me and my family. Everything has served to strengthen our faith and our spirits during this continuous battle. I thank God for all of you!